Welcome to the Church of SQRLS Web Site!

(Church of SQRLS, FDA-Worshipping Diocese)

Last Updated 23 Feb. 2012

By the High SQRLSy Priest / Priestess (AKA The SQRLSy One)

( Email me at SQRLSy_1@ChurchofSQRLS.com )

VACULLA Sub-Page; VACULLA = VACcuum-Utilizing Leach-Like Apparatus…

Back to main page is www.ChurchofSQRLS.com

 

 

Let’s approach this whole thing here methodically and start off with a STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEMS (to be solved here):  Some people A) have nose hairs that they don’t like, that they’d like to get rid of, and B) ditto other people (sometimes the same, other people!) have nose polyps, AKA nasal polyps, that they would likewise, like to be able to get rid of.  Below, I have proposed a device (and variations of said device) that some-one, somewhere, should develop and market, for such purposes.  Let’s devise (describe) the device first, and THEN see if we can practice some APPOSTASY, which is Application to Potential Providers Of Scienfoological Technology for the Acquisition of Sacrificial Yummies; see the main page.  Basically, in this case, we will end up finding potential providers of the proposed device, and email them, and BEG them to fully develop and market the device!  Otherwise, we MIGHT even be able to home-brew some such devices in our garages, I am not sure, I may have to continue that work…

Well anyway, nose hairs?  I think we all know what they are, so, no, no gory details to be spelled out here…  Now, nasal polyps are a different matter, some of us may not be quite so familiar with them.  See http://www.webmd.com/allergies/guide/nasal-polyps-symptoms-and-treatments or http://www.myhealthguide.carlyucaangay.com/health-guidenasal-polyp-causes-symptoms-and-treatment.html for examples, or just “Google” the phrase “nasal polyp” to find more.  Often, they are located right where the external nose cavity meets the internal sinuses (not far-deeply buried at all, as you can see in the below picture).  The picture below is from the second above-mentioned web site; I just want to be sure, here, that this excellent photo is not lost if the above web site goes away…

 

 

 

I personally (before becoming a Devout Scienfoologist) once visited a regular nose-ologist doctorologist of expertologist of nose-ology, and he showed me a fiber-optic “boroscope” type device (more on that later), and shoved it up my nose, and showed me an image on-screen.  These silly little things are usually pathetic little things;  If it were out and exposed and really easily accessible to me on the surface of the skin of my effigy, for instance, I would just go and get a small pair of snipper-type scissors or cutter dikes, and they’d be toast.  But since doctorology and Government Almighty’s Love (AKA “regulation”) is involved here…  Well, let me momentarily spew a bit, see below…

It’s not REALLY a huge tangential diversion, no!  It’s part of the introductory “statement of the problem” here, see?  The problem here (or a HUGE part of the problem) is often called “defensive medicine”…  The nose-ologist has a one-in-a-billion chance of surgerizing on me, and then discovering that I’m a “bleeder” (have hemophilia of some sort), that I didn’t know about, and/or forgot to tell him about.  So I have to be pre-tested for all known variations of said “bleeder” diseases, even if they are literally one in a billion in incidence rates, lest I die on the operating table (or merely have my baby feelings hurt), and then the doctor and his insurance have to pay “billions and billions” to me and all my greedy relatives, see?  And then the endless precautions start to blend in with all the rent-seekers who also have something at stake…  They are going to have to MRI-scan and CAT-scan and DOG-scan and PIG-scan my nose all day ahead of time (and get paid for their services of course, don’t forget, sometimes the nose-ologist will be sure to invest, even, in all the CAT and DOG scanners, etc., who he is allied with), to really play it safe, before they go and cut this pathetic little thing out of my nose.  So I’d have to miss a week of work to get all the tests done, and he or she who does not perform well at work, well, we know what happens to them…  So I blew off my nose troubles as not worth ALL the endless hassles, to deal with.  (PS, let me add, I give over-the-counter Afrin or generic Afrin-type nose spray to my effigy’s nose at night, and wear a C-PAP machine for the first few hours of sleep, and my nose-ology doctor is thereby deprived of the $10 zillion he plans to charge my insurance company for nose-ology surgery services).

The BIGGER, big problem we’re dealing with here, I might add, is that we’re all using Government Almighty (and the coercion and threats of violence, ultimately, if we resist the Love of Government Almighty) to line our own wallets, to get one over on the other guy, to get ahead.  The already-degreed-and-credentialed-and-licensed-and-certified doctor, or barber, or even an interior decorator or maker of caskets, discovers that he or she can exclude the not-so-well-credentialed from his or her profession, and, surprise, get PAID more.  And don’t worry, it is not YOU who is paying for all of this, it is Government Almighty, AKA the Other Guy, the Taxpayer, and greedy capitalists and insurance companies, anyway, that is paying for it all.  And Government Almighty is, well, um, Mighty Pleased every time that more money can be moved around, and taxed and regulated some more, every time some trivial little thing happens, like a hair is cut or a pathetic little booger is removed from my nose.  And the highly-educated doctor can make some more money that way, sure.  And then the doctor is SO surprised when other professions start using the same tricks against him!  I am waiting to see the day that you’ll need to get a prescription for a stereo or a personal computer, from a degreed Electrical Engineer, before you can buy one…  Any day now, I’ll bet…  But it will NOT be in the name of more money for EEs or more power and taxes for Government Almighty, it will be in the name of protecting those poor, ignorant consumers!  And not only that, when you want to buy a new or used car, you are going to have to get a prescription from a degreed-etc., automotive mechanical ENGINEER, with a Ph. D.  And you want to buy a steak knife, or even a butter knife?  Prepare for mandatory knife-safety training classes, first.  Your local college board, I am quite sure, will fall all over themselves, signing up endowed chairpersons of getting a Ph. D. in training certified trainerologists of knife-safety-ology.  And so, in category after category, as everyone demands more training and more pay, costs will only go up-up-up.  Not to worry, though, since Government Almighty LOVES us SO Much, we’ll all get welfare payments and Social Security payments (and inflation adjustments) to compensate us for the ever-higher costs resulting from us using Government Almighty in the first place, to steal money and freedom from one another.  Just make sure not to be an illegal human, and that you obey all the zillions of laws and vote for the right politicians, and your Tokens of Love, AKA transfer payments, will keep right on coming from Government Almighty, so don’t you worry about a thing.  I am a Scienfoologist, after all, and we Scienfoologists just LOVE Government Almighty!  Now back to the matter at hand…

What if we manufactured a small-tipped device that was vacuum-powered at the tip?  To suck in, say, nose hairs, or the very-flimsy-walled surfaces of my pathetic little nose boogers?  If I snort some Afrin or such-like stuff ahead of time, my pathetic little nose boogers will shrivel up a bit, making a small pinch of its now-deflated skin more likely to be able to protrude into the cavity at the tip of my vacuum-powered sucker.  Recessed just a bit for safety, there lies waiting, a cutter of some sort.  Once we have cut a hole in that pathetic little booger, the liquid contents there-of, are spilled, leaving deflated remnants that can now likewise, similarly be sucked in and cut off.

I’m betting that the medical community has similar devices, and that they cost approximately $3 trillion each, and cannot be purchase by mere mortals.  Go “Google” “tonsil snare” and chase down such a very simple implement, which could easily have many non-medical applications (like a remote manipulator for building a ship inside a bottle, for example), and you’ll find that you, supposedly free humanoid, cannot buy one without being some sort of doctor of doctorologyism.  In passing, I might mention that a “tonsil snare” type approach, with sufficiently strong but small-diameter wire, might be used for removing said small “pathetic nose boogers”, AKA nasal polyps, as the cutter device at the tip of our here-described device.  Cutting nose hairs, though, with the “tonsil snare” approach?  Hardly likely!  We can do better!

Before we move on, let me state what should be obvious to any readers who have read much if any of my main page…  I am NOT here advocating that the to-be-described device, here, should EVER be made available to illegal humans, or un-licensed humanoids, EVER, for nefarious purposes such as un-licensed hair-cutting, booger-picking, butt-scratching, or, Government Almighty forbid, un-licensed Doctorology of ANY sort!  However, in the Sacred Name of Religious Freedom, such devices (along with other quasi-medical devices and substances) SHOULD Yea Verily, be made for Sincere Scienfoologists, who wish to use such devices (in the name of Sacred Religious Freedoms, and Placebo Powers), not on themselves, but upon their EFFIGIES, to bring Spiritual Healing to themselves.  And, as I have said so many times on the main web page…  Veteran Scienfoologists and readers, please feel free to skip the next paragraph…

Utterly strangely enough, for some mysterious reason, I wonder if you might perhaps think me to be some sort of “Whack Job”?  If so, I would point you to the following:  Please do not confuse us with Scientology.  But if you will examine web sites like http://skepdic.com/emeter.html and also http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=41507 , then you will find that the Church of Scientology has founded some VERY nice precedents for us Scienfoologists to follow!  Even though their “E-meter” could clearly be construed as a medical device, the FDA and the courts “left them off the hook” in 1963, when Scientology agreed to various stipulations, such as putting a “non-medical device” disclaimer label, clearly up front and center, on their device.  They have not complied, and they still use their “quasi-medical device”, with the label buried on the bottom.  And the FDA has not shut them down, nor is it likely to.  But they have set fine precedents for us Scienfoologists to follow!  Religious freedom reigns supreme!

Before proceeding further, in describing our desired device, we must briefly discuss matters of marketing and naming.  Every “cool” product has to have a cool, catchy name.  Vampires are cool, VERY cool, these days!  Blood-sucking parasites are cool, too, as we can see by the ever-expanding legions of government employees, and their pay, powers, and pensions.  We Scienfoologists actually Adore and Worship Parasitism, actually; “Parasite” is a High and Holy Term of Endearment and Admiration, as you will find, on my main page.  And there are those on the right side of the political aisle, too, who might be thus described (making their pay by stirring up as much trouble as possible, basically, feeding off of the outrage of others, whatever anger can be conveniently provoked, so long as it makes money; ignore all else).  Here, a picture for you, to set the mood:  from http://www.queerty.com/we-agree-with-goproud-ann-coulter-is-a-gay-icon-20110809/

 

 

 

OK, where were we?  Vampires are cool, blood-sucking and parasitism is cool, etc.  The device we are now describing sucks in nose hairs and nose boogers and so on; we might even call it a “mucus vampire machine”, wouldn’t THAT make a cool HollyWeird movie!?!?!  I nominate Ann Coulter to play the part of the mucus vampire!  Sounds VERY scary to me!    Let me be as clear as I can be, here, lest you become confused about, exactly, what AM I trying to say, anyway?!?!  This:  Many of us understand what a “human parasite” is, when we try to make a living by stealing power, money, privileges, entitlements, etc., to include the freedoms, of others, when we are “welfare queens” who are merely poor (yes, these kinds of “poor” people sometimes do like to allay themselves with the coercive power of the State, of whatever form, to use force to make our charity choices for us; there is an un-disguise-able ugliness there), OR, even, when we are government “servants” or the government-favored bigwig businessmen and businesswomen, AKA greedy capitalists, who are ALSO “corporate welfare queens”, or queens of the warfare-welfare state, industrial-military complex, judges-lawyers-jailers-complex, welfare-social-workers-licensing-schemes-complex, etc.  Keep the poor from interior decorating by making them get a college degree in interior decorating, before they can do that, but compensate them with a welfare check, while we prevent them from making an honest living (AKA, steal their dignity).  Yes, I got it, I hope you do, too.  But how much (or more to my point, how LITTLE) attention has been paid, in a more vague and nebulous, or even spiritual, manner, to…  How do some few of us, here and there, sometimes make a LIVING by tapping into all of the stored-up anger, from this and every other possible source we can drum up…  Even if it might include resentment of people of the wrong race, nationality (how about them thar illegal immigrants, AKA illegal humans, anyway?), religion, political party, sexual orientation, etc., whether they practice love of their neighbors, or not…  And just flat-out USE whatever anger we can stir up, to gain publicity, and, ultimately of course, MONEY?!!?!??  Are these actors and actresses not also human parasites?  Tearing down common human goodwill for their own selfish benefits?

Yes, human affairs are always complex.  All is fair in love and war, the ends sometimes DOES justify the means, and so on.  Some fights ARE worth having!  But when we make a LIVING off of fighting (AKA, stirring up anger), and we FORGET to ask, just WHICH fights are worth having, and WHICH METHODS are justified, and we just concentrate off of making a living off of the fighting, THAT’S when I am going to have to take the fight to YOU!  Ann Coulter, are you listening?!?!  I gave up the sword, the machine gun, and the bomb long ago, but the pen, the typewriter, and the internet, I WILL still wield against you and yours!

Back to the matter at hand   So anyway, we cook up the name, then, of VACULLA; VACULLA = VACcuum-Utilizing Leach-Like Apparatus…  Ann Coulter will perhaps sign up as our Sales Promotions Poster Babe / Mucus Vampire, if we pay her enough…

ON with the show, now!  A low-cost device, then, for ridding oneself of nose hairs, nose boogers, etc., if one is, A) a fully licensed-degreed-credentialed-board-certified, legal-human, licensed-to-work, barber in the “free” USA, or B), a fully licensed-degreed-credentialed-board-certified, legal-human, licensed-to-work, Doctorologist / Expertologist in the “free” USA, although I doubt a low-costs device would appeal much to them and their armies of malpractice insurance people, lawyers, regulators, mother-may-I-types, etc.-etc.-etc., or C) device purchasers in the poorer third-world nations that are so “poor” that they can actually afford FREEDOM any more, although I suspect the Government Almighty of the USA will soon invade them all, so as to mercifully eliminate their medical barbarism, which no civilized person could countenance in the modern era, much longer, or D) the Religiously Free, like us Scienfoologists, who wish to have access to medical-like devices for religiously free use on our EFFIGIES ONLY, as you now must well understand and tolerate…

What would such a device look like?  As low-cost yet effective as possible?  OK, we are there at last, sorry to go on so long…  We are all familiar with vacuum machines, vacuum pumps, and so forth.  Just like a “shop vac”, our vacuum pump here must be tolerant of sucking in liquids (ugh, yes, snot, mucus, etc.).  Unlike a shop-vac (snot-vac?), we do NOT want high-volume, low-pressure air-flow (vacuum strength or PSIs), we want the opposite, we want low-volume, high-pressure.  Maybe like the saliva-sucking tubes that the Dentisteristic expertologists of expertology of toothology stick in your mouth, at the Dentist’s office?  I bet those cost like $2.5 trillion each, due to all of the above-mentioned problems, and cannot be purchased by mere mortals, but if I am wrong…  Or if you know of other suitable low-costs vacuum sources, for home-brewers of Scienfoological Technologies…  And are religiously tolerant and broad-minded enough to assist us Scienfoologists in our heterodox methods and ideals…  Then PLEASE, by all means, email me at SQRLSy_1@ChurchofSQRLS.com !!!

That’s what we want for a vacuum source; enough said.  Next, we want a long, cylindrical, small-diameter sealed tube, such that the vacuum can be applied at its base (via flexible small hose), and the vacuum will then be applied to the entire length of the tube, all the way up to the (nose-invading) tip or end.  Along the length of the sealed tube, a (non-leaky, sealed) sliding 1/3-of-a-cone-type, sharp-edged-at-the-tip, thin strip of metal will flank 1/3 of the side of the tube.  Up at the tip, an opening is open, ready to pull in nose hairs, boogers, and unspeakable things.  The vacuum pulls our victim in.  Now a manually-operated (simple and cheap) method at the base of our magic vacuum-powered anti-booger wand, will slowly shove the knife-edged tip of the semi-column thin sheet of metal (plunger style), up into the air (and boogers, hairs-etc.) sucking wand-tip end, cutting them off.  Spring-loaded method of holding / powering the cutting edge is released (if it is used at all), manually-powered plunger is pulled back, vacuum-powered opening starts sucking again, process repeats.  Powering and releasing our hand-powered, long-long, tiny little curved (semi-column) cutting blade is basically a tiny-tiny version of something all home handymen are very familiar with, the glue-gun for construction glue…  Just “Google” the phrase “caulk gun” and you can see what I mean.

Hi Dear Reader out there in reader-land…  Does this all make sense to you?  I have been, at times in my life, accused of being long-winded (at the keyboard usually, actually).  So I don’t know if this description of a VACULLA, by itself, is enough, or not.  I think it to be fairly clear…  If not, please email me, and I can whip up some illustrations.  At SQRLSy_1@ChurchofSQRLS.com of course…

Let me just add this:  The above written description is optimal for a VACULLA-tip that sucks in its prey from the SIDE of the tip.  If one wanted to grab a victim from the FLAT tip of the magic VACULLA wand (victim surface perpendicular rather than parallel to the linear plane of the inserted magic wand, as appears to be the needed case for the first photo here on this page of this web site), then the “wand” of the VACULLA could be simplified even more:  All that we would need, would be to have a sharp, circular end to the wand, and a method of SPINNING the wand (powering the rotational movement of the circular knife’s edge), without losing the applied vacuum.  In other words, a hose up to the wand-base, a circular leak-proof (or near-leak-proof, nothing being perfect) rotating circular bearing to pass the vacuum up to the rotating part of the cylinder, a small star-shaped handle-grip (think of the handle on a round faucet control) to help you rotate it, and then the rest of the rigid “wand” being hollow, rotate-able, and finally tipped with a round knife’s edge tip.  ***IF*** you are properly degreed, etc. you could be allowed to buy one of these to suck in, and cut, hair, boogers, etc.  OR, of course, if you are a religiously free Scienfoologist, you could sign a waiver & then buy one to use ONLY on your religious-rituals EFFIGIES, of course.  Again, if you need illustrations, please email me…

Now that’s the gist of things.  Now it may be time to discuss a few details.  First off, there are those who like to “split hairs”.  For instance, you might ask me, “well, just WHY is it necessary for the vacuum to be liquid or water-tolerant, if you can use a totally DRY effigy, and effigy nose-setup, for your Scienfoology rituals?”  The answer is two-fold, and is representative of MANY Scienfoology issues: A) We want the maker of such devices to be able to be economically efficient (even though we Scienfoologists hate greedy capitalists like everyone else, we acknowledge that THEY have to get their goodies so that WE can get our goodies), and so, we want them to be able to sell ONE common setup, both for us, and for all the expertologists of expertology, who are fully authorized to cut nose hairs and nose boogers; AKA we want to benefit from economic “volume efficiencies of scale”, and B) Only those Scienfoologists who are VERY strong in their faith, can have sufficiently strong beliefs in the placebo powers of quasi-medical, miraculous rituals conducted with sub-standard quasi-medical gear.  THAT is why we Scienfoologists DEMAND access to quasi-medical gear for our effigy-based rituals, that is as BELIEVABLE (fully equipped and capable) as is at all possible.  If you can’t see that, well, I hate to say it, but you are being a small-minded bigot, and religiously intolerant!

More details?  Well, yes, a wee tad more:  Both of the above options are the low-costs options.  Either one could be supplemented to make it more capable, as you shove it up someone’s nose (or your effigy’s nose, as the case may be).  WHAT do we supplement the simple gear with?  A fibre-optic “boroscope”, or more often, “borescope”; Google that, or, see http://www.gradientlens.com/FlexibleBorescopes.aspx  if you have $4K plus to drop on such a thing…  In any case, a lighted-up, flexible fibre-optic borescope (with a method of displaying the acquired image), would be JUST the right thing to light up the inside of your effigy’s nose, as you practice Scienfoologically Faithful Religious Rituals!   Sad to say, I have not yet found the optimal combination of low price, and low probe-cable and lights-and-cable-tip diameter (so it will fit up your effigy’s nose in the first place).  I will keep on researching…  Please email me if you have (or know of) a good borescope for me to recommend, here.

In the future, I do hope to find some time to take some photos of “home brewed” equipment, and a nose effigy (of course, yes, a nose effigy!), that I have toyed with, trying to refine the Scienfoological anti-nose-boogers rituals here.  For example, just take some small-diameter copper tubing, grind or file a sharp circular edge onto one end, and embed (and water-proofly, or vacuum-proofly, expoxy-putty) the other end into a funnel.  Now mate the wide-open funnel end to the tip of a shop-vac (circle on circle, providing a reasonable vacuum seal), and rotate the assembly of funnel plus sharp-ended copper (vacuum-carrying) tube, keeping it mated to the end of the vacuum hose, and use it to suck in, and abrade, the nose boogers of your effigy.  I have tried it, but have not yet gotten it to work.  Time to document this soon?  Yes, it is on my “do list”…

After that, maybe we can line up a manufacturer who will mass-produce these for us?  Miniaturized and optimized?  Time will tell…

  Hi y’all Faithful Scienfoologists, I’m now back after having taken a holiday break!  Hope y’all had a good Kwanza, Christmas, Yuletide, Intergalactic Scientologist day, Winter Solstice, Earth-Wind-and-Fire Day, Hanukah, Devout Atheist Day, whatever…  Sorry, I have not yet invented a Scienfoological Holiday, I must take a note to get working on that…  Unless y’all want to send me suggestions?  PLEASE!?!?!

OK, where were we?  Removing nose boogers from the nostrils of our Scienfoology effigies, yes, that was it!!!  Now if we take a video tour of the world of removing such things from the humanoids in the real world, prepare to get grossed out!  See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8M3GROQ96o , http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=mirPp3x3Q44&feature=endscreen , or others…

Time now finally for some PICTURES of the simplest of anti-nose-boogers devices, that I am hoping that I can persuade someone, somewhere, to manufacture for us…  First, here is a drawing of the simplest one, which would be a vacuum-filled tube with a flat-tipped circular cutting blade at the tip.  Vacuum applied at base, a near-leak-proof vacuum-resistant rotating bearing, a spigot-type rotating handle for the user, a circular knife tip, and we’re done!  These would be suitable for knocking a circular hole into a nasal polyp whose surface is perpendicular to the wall of the nose, as in the first photo way up above.  PS, a circular knife’s edge is probably no the very BEST solution; micro serrations in the “knife’s edge” could basically turn the edge into a saw-blade edge.  This would almost definitely work even better yet.

 

 

Figure #1

 

The above was previously described in the text further above; the below has NOT been previously described.  Basically, what I’m trying to say is, a simple scissors or cutter-type instrument will not reach very far into the nasal cavity, because the handles get in the way.  BUT, if we made a chain-like series of stage after stage of scissors action, we could make the whole thing skinny enough to reach much further into the nasal cavity.  Two drawings then…

 

 

Figure #2

 

 

Figure #3

 

There is no real reason why we could not add even MORE stages of scissors-hinges to intrude even more deeply, without the handles getting in the way.  “Compound action micro-scissors?”  Is that what we would call them?  Do they already exist?  Where can I buy some?  Email me at SQRLSy_1@ChurchofSQRLS.com if you can help…

Finally now, one more drawing…  What if you want to attack a nose hair, or a nasal polyp in a human body (if you are a doctor), or a fake nasal polyp in your effigy (if you are a Scienfoologist like me!!!! :) ), and it is just hanging off of the side wall of the nasal cavity?  Not like in the first photo?  No perpendicular-to-the-wall, strong resistant surface to attack?  In this case, we want a SIDE-attack tip to our Vaculla…  Previously sub-optimally described.  I believe that the OPTIMAL instrument here would actually resemble some of the simplest, plain-vanilla “tonsil snares” that are available (to doctors, at least).  OK, bear with me here…  High-PSIs, low-volume vacuum source, water resistant, a “snot vac” as previously described.  Apply it to the base of the innermost of two sliding cylinders, one inside the other.  Unlike a tonsil snare, the two tubes are machined to such tight tolerances that the vacuum applied to the inner cylinder has NO relief, except for one that is deliberately supplied at the uppermost tip, to the side, of the outer cylinder.  (Side note, a bio-harmless oil or lubricant like Vaseline, between the two cylinders, would help provide an air-tight seal).  The base of the instrument has three rings…  Two as handle-rings for your fingers, which are attached to the outer cylinder.  One ring for your thumb is attached for the inner, sliding, vacuum-filled “plunger” cylinder.  Air (and nose hairs, nose boogers, and/or polyps if you are FDA-authorized) is sucked into the small hole in the upper side tip of the outer cylinder…  Until such time as your thumb-powered inner cylinder, with knife-sharp edges, slides up to cut off whatever has been sucked into the hole there at the tip!  The thumb-hole handle could be vacuum-filled if the manufacturer wants to be fancy (and spend the extra money), or the vacuum hose could mate to the inner cylinder, right above the handle, either way.  A simpler, cheaper (side) method of attaching the hose will restrict the sliding motion of the handles, and be a “stress point”, though, not to mention getting in the way, so my personal recommendation would be to pass the vacuum through the (hollow) thumb-handle.

Optionally, if the vacuum force here tends to pull the inner tube up towards the tip too much for the thumb-loop-handle to easily allow the user’s thumb (expansive force) to countervail, and manually keep the tip open, then a small mechanical expansive spring could be placed on (around) the shaft, here, between the thumb-loop-hole and the fingers-loop-holes, to countervail against the vacuum force.

Illustration time again…  Minus the optional spring.

 

 

Figure #4

 

As Chief Scienfoologist In Charge, I am embarrassed to admit, I can dream up the above drawings, but have VERY limited instrument-manufacturing capabilities!   As previously mentioned, I have tried to mate a funnel to some sharpened copper tubing, so as to mate the funnel to a shop-vac (mating circular surface of shop-vac and funnel being the air-leak-resistant, spinning bearing), and attack the nose boogers of Mine Own Sacred Scienfoology Effigy in such a manner, and have, sad to say, not have any success.  I hang my head in shame and admit that yes, my Scienfoological Spiritual Faith is probably just way too weak.   But in the Spirit of Full Disclosure, I do Hereby Submit the below photos, so as urge ONWARDS and UPWARDS my Fellow Scienfoologists!  Try, try, and try again, I say!  Then if all else fails, try AGAIN!!!

PS, PLEASE notice the UTTERLY exquisite nature of my nose effigy artistic efforts, but please also keep in mind, it is NOT the artsy-fartsy quality of your Scienfoology Effigies, it is purely the FAITH that you put behind them!!!

 

 

 

 

 

And now finally, what you have been waiting for all of this time, samples letters (emails) of APPOSTASY, to potential providers of the above-described instruments…

 

Dear mlazenby@adept.co.nz, CC: adeptmedical@adept.co.nz; jmarsh@adept.co.nz

Dear Mr. Lazenby,

 

I see that you design medical instruments in New Zealand.  I’m sorry to see that you do not fall under the All-Wise and All-Knowing Gaze and Supervision of Government Almighty in the USA, AKA, the FDA.  But I am hoping that you can help me out…  Third-world nations (who so far have escaped the Wrath of Government Almighty of the USA, diminishing though the numbers of such nations may be) might benefit from way SIMPLE and inexpensive medical gear, such as what is described in http://www.churchofsqrls.com/VACULLA/ , which is a sub-page of www.ChurchofSQRLS.com .  Here, you will find the designs of some way SIMPLE ways that third-word doctors might treat nasal polyps.  I do admit that I have ulterior motives, in that I am hoping to purchase such instruments for my own, non-medical, religious-freedoms kinds of uses.  I can promise you that if you will develop and market devices as shown on the referenced web site (or similar to them, or if you can point me in the direction of existing vendors of existing, similar products), I personally will buy such devices, if I can afford them (less than hundreds and hundreds of dollars USA).  AND I will give you FREE advertising on my web site!

 

                    Best Regards,

 

-SQRLSY One

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