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(Church of SQRLS, FDA-Worshipping Diocese)

Sonograms & “Shaming Wand” Sub-Page

Last Updated 25 March 2012

By the High SQRLSy Priest / Priestess (AKA The SQRLSy One)

( Email me at SQRLSy_1@ChurchofSQRLS.com )

 

 

Hi All of You Legions of Faithful Scienfoologists!

 

If you’re looking for ALL of the gory details about just exactly HOW one goes about conducting, in Scienfoology, the Sacred Rites and Rituals of the Use of the Sacred Shaming Wand, and then taking a photo of a fetus-effigy, in the name of Sacred Religious Freedoms, in lieu of having your body ritually, mechanically raped by a shaming wand (by Government Almighty mandate), prior to getting a pregnancy termination, then you’ve come to the right spot!  If you’re lost, then please go back to www.ChurchofSQRLS.com , and look for search-string “shaming wand” towards the bottom, to put this all into proper context.  There, you will see all the basics of the rituals described below.  Only the liturgical details are described in this here sub-page; to get the fundamentals, go back to the root page.

 

First some of the best photos, then the discussion; let’s get the best of the good stuff over with first (more photos later):

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now then a background story about the creation and evolution of my effigy, whose name…  As well as the hypothetical lady who is seeking a pregnancy termination in this story and in the liturgy…  Shall be “Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh”, or simply “Ann”, for short.  Ann was created so as to illustrate the proper construction of a Scienfoology effigy, for Ritual Shaming and effigy-photo-taking, in lieu of an ultra-sound sonogram, of course.  As we shall see, in my story, she rapidly took on a life of her own.  And I as Scienfoology Founder and Prime Practitioner, have learned some profound lessons along the way.  At least this exercise, though, HAS succeeded in my fine-tuning the rituals and liturgies to be performed on such solemn occasions.

Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh came into the world in a fairly usual manner, for a Scienfoology effigy.  She is constructed of paper and rags and old grungy pillows for stuffing, and of rags, old clothes, paper, cardboard, ink, and scotch tape (and, needless to say, a GREAT amount of Inspiration and Artistic Talent on the Part of Yours Truly, The SQRLSY One).  As you can see, the precise nature, appearance, and construction of Scienfoology effigies, is NOT of great importance, in Scienfoology practice, as it is commonly understood.  Please NOTE that I omitted ANY inclusion of images of the “shaming wand”, or its action or placement or orientation, because, well, um, this is just NOT that kind of a web site; it is intended to be a RELIGIOUS and a FAMILY-oriented web site!  Now, SHAME on you for being obsessed about the precise physical nature and action of the “shaming wand”!

Please also note that I have placed a label on her, “Non-Medical Item, for Religious Use Only” (in plain sight), to avoid offending Government Almighty.  We Scienfoologists take pride in obeying the law, unlike Scientologists.  (Repeat of item from main page follows):  If you will examine web sites like http://skepdic.com/emeter.html and also http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=41507 , then you will find that the Church of Scientology has founded some VERY nice precedents for us to follow!  Even though their “E-meter” could clearly be construed as a medical device, the FDA and the courts “left them off the hook” in 1963, when Scientology agreed to various stipulations, such as putting a “non-medical device” disclaimer label, clearly up front and center, on their device.  They have not complied, and they still use their “quasi-medical device”, with the label buried on the bottom…  Without FDA sanctions.    So with any luck at all, we Scienfoologists will be accorded similar freedoms!  They do not follow the letter of the Law (Commandments of Government Almighty), precisely, in the name of Religious Freedoms, and so, too, will Scienfoology, then.

After Ann came into the world, for some reason, she just started going down-hill rapidly.  She started dressing shabbily, as you can see, and she INSISTED in secluding herself in my ATTIC, of all places!  And as you can see, she also insists on living in filth!  Just LOOK at that cob-web above her head, for instance, where all sorts of nasty dead critters and objects have collected!  I try to clean it up, but she won’t let me!

Then I made several mistakes…  Go see “lung flute” at the root page here for context and details.  That thing in her mouth is, yes, a “lung flute”.  I had it prescribed to me by a physician before I founded the Church of Scienfoology (FDA-Worshipping Diocese).  I was totally incompetent at the use of this complex and dangerous implement, without proper supervision by my Doctor, of course, as the FDA (Praises Be) has, in its Infinite Wisdom, decreed…  I could NOT be trusted to use this implement alone, without a prescription, being a medically ignorant knave and fool, of course.  So after I got my “lung flute”, by prescription, I REPEATEDLY had to call my physician over to my house, MANY times, for many grueling hours-long training sessions, and then I FINALLY learned how to use this implement safely!  (Thanks, FDA and Government Almighty, for protecting me!).  Sad to say, I did NOT find the lung flute to be effective (and that’s the truth!).

By then I devised this here Scienfoology Church, and effigy based rituals.  I decided to let Ann try the lung flute, and I had forgotten all those many, long hours of having my Doctor come over to my house to train me in the proper use of this dangerous device.  I thought I could pass my hard-gained knowledge off to Ann, but I failed miserably!  She promptly became ADDICTED to this dangerous (and dangerously addictive, to weak-willed people and effigies, as I have learned), high-tech medical implement.  So she lost her job, and stays at home (in the attic no less!), huffing and puffing on her “lung flute” all day!  (She has torn her lungs and throat raw, that’s effigy-blood you see dripping out of her mouth).  It’s enough, at times, to make me doubt Scienfoology itself…  But I will persevere!  I’ll figure out what all I did wrong, and will let you know, as I continue to improve Scienfoological Technology!

Note just HOW badly Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh needs to terminate her pregnancy!  Notice just how MANY Scienfoology-Effigy-Babies she has, that are already-born, hungry mouths to feed!  All around her, you see these effigy-babies; hungry mouths to be fed, “all the children at her feet”.  Non-Scienfoology-aware, biased and prejudiced ignoramuses might be tempted to call them “ceramic gee-gaws” or some such, which is VERY hurtful to us True Believers.  Then, of course, there’s the matter of just WHO her unborn fetus was!  But I don’t much want to speculate about that, or how it happened, sorry…  I can’t stand the guilt!  It just MIGHT have been fetal developmental damage caused by “lung flute addiction syndrome”, see, and I am at least partly to be blamed for that!

Sad to say, I must confess, even I, the Founder of Scienfoology, am weak in my faith!  Yes, it is true…  I have committed the grave Scienfoological “sin” if you will, of “HAM”…  Go see HAM at the root page, for details.  But yes, in Scienfoology, it is “HAM” (sin), to listen to one’s effigy or effigies!  “Effigies are to be seen, and not heard”, we say, as proper practitioners.  But I listened to Ann’s silent please for an abortion…  I just HAD to have mercy on her!  I destroyed her effigy-fetus, yes, I did.  But NO details on this particular, precise process will be revealed, in adherence to my vow that Scienfoology won’t get into this business!  (See top of root page).  I am truly sorry for this HAM that I have engaged in, and I hope that all of you millions of Scienfoologists out there, will forgive me, and do better in Your Faith, than I, your supposed “leader”, have.

 

RITUAL USE OF THE SHAMING WAND, ETC.

 

At least the GOOD News here is, this exercise has allowed me to fine-tune the Scienfoological Rites, Rituals, and Liturgies to be used in associated ceremonies!  Go see root page, bottom…  AFTER the Scienfoological patient (for the pregnancy termination) has been properly vetted (Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh here, in our case), and certified as NOT being an undercover agent of Government Almighty, then the Rituals and Ceremonies should commence.  All Rituals and Ceremonies should be video-recorded, to show, in posterity, that Government Almighty regulations HAVE been properly followed, at least in spirit, if not in precise, persnickety technical details…  But, recording your Sincere Ceremonies will SURLEY help your case, if it should ever end up in court (especially in light of the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act”; see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_Freedom_Restoration_Act ).  It seems to me that religious freedoms should NOT belong just to those who are “virtuous” by Rush Limbaugh, they should ALSO belong to those that Rush calls “sluts”.

So here are some suggested Rituals and Liturgies (sorry, some of it is a repeat from the main or root page, but, the longer your ceremonies, the more “sincerely held” your beliefs are, in the Eyes of Government Almighty, I bet):

 

(Prelude to Worship first, as Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh shows up at the front door).

 

PATIENT:  Hi, I’m Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, and I’d like to have my pregnancy terminated.  And oh by the way, I brought along my Scienfoological effigy of myself, as you can see.  And yes, the effigy is all properly prepared with an effigy-fetus, in just the right spot.

 

STAFF:  Oh, OK, wait, let me turn on the web-cam here, and can you re-state this thing?  Here, read this for posterity.  There you go…

 

PATIENT:  I, Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, being of sound body and mind, do hereby declare obedience and fealty to Government Almighty, and I do solemnly swear to Government Almighty, which is my GAWD and my Savior, as a Devout and Sincere Scienfoologist, that the following is true:  My sincerely held religious belief is that I should NOT be forced, in order to get a medical procedure, to be raped by the Shaming Wand.  Instead, it is my belief that Government Almighty, in its respect for Religious Freedoms, and in its Mercies, for me, will SURELY allow me to substitute, in my place, for ritual shaming, this here effigy of me, and of my fetus.

 

STAFF:  And have you had a federal judge declare that your religious beliefs are “sincerely held”?

 

PATIENT:  No, I have not.  Is this required by the U.S. constitution?  I have my constitutional rights, you know.

 

STAFF:  Yes, sub-paragraph-23-B-square-root-of-negative-one says that your beliefs have to be validated by Government Almighty, as being “sincerely held”.

 

PATIENT:  Hey, wait, square-root-of-negative-one is an imaginary number!

 

STAFF:  Tell it to the judge, see if he cares.  See if Rush Limbaugh cares.

 

PATIENT:  I don’t care if he cares, or not.  I don’t care if you care.  But you should care that if you don’t respect my religious freedom, then I will bring a lawsuit against you, under the Religious Freedom Restoration Act!

 

STAFF:  Oh, well, OK, then, I guess we have no real choice.  We’ll support you in your needs for religious freedoms then.

 

Worship Session Proper; Proper Propitiation of GAWD, Scienfoology-Style

 

CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:

 

Dearly Beloved, Brothers and Sisters in Scienfoology, let the ceremony begin!  Let us offer a Song of Joyous Praise to Government Almighty!

 

ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff):

 

Government loves me, This I know,

For the Government tells me so,

Little ones to GAWD belong,

We are weak, but GAWD is strong!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

My Nannies tell me so!

 

GAWD does love me, yes indeed,

Keeps me safe, and gives me feed,

Shelters me from bad drugs and weed,

And gives me all that I might need!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

My Nannies tell me so!

 

DEA, CIA, KGB,

Our protectors, they will be,

FBI, TSA, and FDA,

With us, astride us, in every way!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!

My Nannies tell me so!

 

CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:

 

Thank you!  Brothers and Sisters, let us now bow our heads in prayer:

Dear Government Almighty, Who Dwells on High in SHAMM, The Statist Heaven Above Mere Mortals, we do thank You and Praise You for Your Wisdom and Power.  We especially Praise You for giving us the Sacred Religious Freedoms that we hold dear.  Just as You, in Your Mercy, have given Religious Freedoms to the Scientologists to use E-meters, and dis-regard court orders, even, about the proper labeling of their “non-medical devices” known as e-meters, so, too, do we have Faith in Your Mercy, in the True Faith and Knowledge that You will not prosecute us for saving our Beloved Sister, here, Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, from the personal bodily violations of the mechanical, ultrasonic rape machine known as the ultrasonic shaming wand.  THANK YOU, Dearly Beloved, and Feared, Government Almighty!  Thank You!  Thank You for allowing us to sacrifice to You, instead, the Ritual Effigy of Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, for public humiliation!

All Praise Government Almighty!

ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff): All Praise Government Almighty!

 

CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:  Sister Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, you may now come forward.  Place your effigy into the shaming stockade (Sister Ann does so).  Congregation, you are now invited to come forward and Ritually Spit upon the Sacred Effigy (Congregation does so).

 

CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:  According to the Mercies of Government Almighty, I will now deploy the Holy Shaming Wand, on this Dearly Beloved Effigy, of Sister Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh.  I shall do so on the count of 3.  And the counting of the count of three shall be three, and not of four, nor shall it be of five.  And the counting shall not be of two, unless it shall then proceed on, to three.  And three shall be the counting of the three…

 

ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff): Get ON with it!!!!

 

CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:  Oh, all right then!  One-Two-Three, Listen to Me!  By the Powers Invested and Mandated in and to me, by Government Almighty, and in the Sight of the Mercies of Government Almighty, I do now and hereby, Ritually Rape the Sacred Effigy of Sister Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh (Proceeds to deploy the Sacred Shaming Wand, which shall not be described here, this being a family-oriented web site).

 

CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:  Nurse, you may now collect the Sacred Sonogram, for Perpetual Storage, in the Name of the Mercies of Government Almighty, Hallowed Be Those Who Dwell in SHAMM on High, in the Statists’s Heaven Above Mere Mortals.  Please collect the sonogram now (Nurse steps forward to take digital photos of the Effigy Fetus).

 

CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:

 

Dearly Beloved, Brothers and Sisters in Scienfoology, let us conclude the Sacred Ceremony!

 

ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff):

 

Our GAWD, Who dwells in SHAMM,

Hallowed be Thy Name;

Thy Taxes come in,

Thy Bennies go out,

All across the land,

Powered by Thy Wrath.

Give us more bread and circuses,

More military crusades,

And more stimulus funds.

Keep us safe from earpoppers

And lung flutes.  Lead us not into

Disobedience, but shelter us through

Your Nannies.  Forgive us

When we are politically incorrect.

For Yours is the Power and the Glory

of the Pyramind Scheme, Forever and Ever,

Amen!

(End of suggested Liturgy & Rituals).

 

And now back to some more scandalling and raving about how low my effigy has fallen!  And just WHY I have fallen into HAM, and gave her the effigy-based pregnancy termination that she so silently yet desperately pleaded for!  She’s not been much of a good Mom to the kids she already has!  First off, did you notice that among her children at her feet, there is her favorite one, who is known as “Pig on the Wing”?  Here he is…

 

 

 

          Yet despite the obvious cuteness and cuddlesomeness of ALL of her children, especially including “Pig on the Wing”, she instead dotes on, and elevates up into “Her Precious”, her spider’s web, the one who is known as “Swig on the Wing”!  Here he is…

 

 

 

          Then she also keep the company of some shady, even vile, creatures, up there in her spider’s web…  I wonder sometimes if maybe one of them fathered her vile unborn fetus that I had to dispose of…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

          So as you can see, some of these creatures are vile indeed!  Others, I feel sympathy for, it may be that they have become ensnared in her web of lies and deceit, unjustly…

 

 

 

          Now the spider himself, I feel REALLY bad for, just LOOK at the expression on his face!  “What in the name of GAWD have I gotten myself into!?!?”, he seems to be saying!

 

 

          Last but not least, please note that she has insisted on wearing her vile, disgusting “Legalize Freedom” T-shirt!  What an utterly Government-Almighty-disrespecting, even FASCIST, ideology!  Maybe THAT is part of the origins of her malformed offspring that had to be terminated!  BEWARE of such false ideologies!

 

-SQRLSY One

 

PS, for those who might care for a supposedly thoughtful discussion of abortion, go see http://www.churchofsqrls.com/Abortions/ .