Welcome to the Church of SQRLS Web Site!
(Church of SQRLS,
FDA-Worshipping Diocese)
Sonograms & “Shaming
Wand” Sub-Page
Last Updated 21 April 2018
By the High SQRLSy Priest /
Priestess (AKA The SQRLSy One)
( Email me at SQRLSy_1@ChurchofSQRLS.com )
Back to root page at www.churchofSQRLS.com
Hi All
of You Legions of Faithful Scienfoologists!
If you’re looking for ALL of the gory details about just
exactly HOW one goes about conducting, in Scienfoology, the Sacred Rites and
Rituals of the Use of the Sacred Shaming Wand, and then taking a photo of a
fetus-effigy, in the name of Sacred Religious Freedoms, in lieu of having your
body ritually, mechanically raped by a shaming wand (by Government Almighty
mandate), prior to getting a pregnancy termination, then you’ve come to the
right spot! If you’re lost, then please
go back to www.ChurchofSQRLS.com ,
and look for search-string “shaming wand” towards the bottom, to put this all
into proper context. There, you will see
all the basics of the rituals described below.
Only the liturgical details are described in this here sub-page; to get
the fundamentals, go back to the root page.
First some
of the best photos, then the discussion; let’s get the best of the good stuff
over with first (more photos later):
And now then a background story about the creation and
evolution of my effigy, whose name… As
well as the hypothetical lady who is seeking a pregnancy termination in this
story and in the liturgy… Shall be “Ann
Coulter Rash Limbaugh”, or simply “Ann”, for short. Ann was created so as to illustrate the
proper construction of a Scienfoology effigy, for Ritual Shaming and
effigy-photo-taking, in lieu of an ultra-sound sonogram, of course. As we shall see, in my story, she rapidly
took on a life of her own. And I as
Scienfoology Founder and Prime Practitioner, have learned some profound lessons
along the way. At least this exercise,
though, HAS succeeded in my fine-tuning the rituals and liturgies to be
performed on such solemn occasions.
Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh came into the world in a fairly
usual manner, for a Scienfoology effigy.
She is constructed of paper and rags and old grungy pillows for
stuffing, and of rags, old clothes, paper, cardboard, ink, and scotch tape
(and, needless to say, a GREAT amount of Inspiration and Artistic Talent on the
Part of Yours Truly, The SQRLSY One). As
you can see, the precise nature, appearance, and construction of Scienfoology
effigies, is NOT of great importance, in Scienfoology practice, as it is
commonly understood. Please NOTE that I
omitted ANY inclusion of images of the “shaming wand”, or its action or placement
or orientation, because, well, um, this is just NOT that kind of a web site; it
is intended to be a RELIGIOUS and a FAMILY-oriented web site! Now, SHAME on you for being obsessed about
the precise physical nature and action of the “shaming wand”!
Please also note that I have placed a label on her,
“Non-Medical Item, for Religious Use Only” (in plain sight), to avoid offending
Government Almighty. We Scienfoologists
take pride in obeying the law, unlike Scientologists. (Repeat of item from main page follows): If you will examine web sites like http://skepdic.com/emeter.html
and also http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=41507
, then you will find that the Church of Scientology has founded some VERY nice
precedents for us to follow! Even though
their “E-meter” could clearly be construed as a medical device, the FDA and the
courts “left them off the hook” in 1963, when Scientology agreed to various
stipulations, such as putting a “non-medical device” disclaimer label, clearly
up front and center, on their device.
They have not complied, and they still use their “quasi-medical device”,
with the label buried on the bottom…
Without FDA sanctions. … So with any luck at all, we Scienfoologists
will be accorded similar freedoms! They
do not follow the letter of the Law (Commandments of Government Almighty),
precisely, in the name of Religious Freedoms, and so, too, will Scienfoology,
then.
After Ann came into the world, for some reason, she just
started going down-hill rapidly. She
started dressing shabbily, as you can see, and she INSISTED in secluding
herself in my ATTIC, of all places! And
as you can see, she also insists on living in filth! Just LOOK at that cob-web above her head, for
instance, where all sorts of nasty dead critters and objects have
collected! I try to clean it up, but she
won’t let me!
Then I made several mistakes… Go see “lung flute” at the root page here for
context and details. That thing in her
mouth is, yes, a “lung flute”. I had it
prescribed to me by a physician before I founded the Church of Scienfoology
(FDA-Worshipping Diocese). I was totally
incompetent at the use of this complex and dangerous implement, without proper
supervision by my Doctor, of course, as the FDA (Praises Be) has, in its
Infinite Wisdom, decreed… I could NOT be
trusted to use this implement alone, without a prescription, being a medically
ignorant knave and fool, of course. So
after I got my “lung flute”, by prescription, I REPEATEDLY had to call my
physician over to my house, MANY times, for many grueling hours-long training
sessions, and then I FINALLY learned how to use this implement safely! (Thanks, FDA and Government Almighty, for protecting
me!). Sad to say, I did NOT find the
lung flute to be effective (and that’s the truth!).
By then I devised this here Scienfoology Church, and effigy
based rituals. I decided to let Ann try
the lung flute, and I had forgotten all those many, long hours of having my
Doctor come over to my house to train me in the proper use of this dangerous
device. I thought I could pass my
hard-gained knowledge off to Ann, but I failed miserably! She promptly became ADDICTED to this
dangerous (and dangerously addictive, to weak-willed people and effigies, as I
have learned), high-tech medical implement.
So she lost her job, and stays at home (in the attic no less!), huffing
and puffing on her “lung flute” all day!
(She has torn her lungs and throat raw, that’s effigy-blood you see
dripping out of her mouth). It’s enough,
at times, to make me doubt Scienfoology itself…
But I will persevere! I’ll figure
out what all I did wrong, and will let you know, as I continue to improve Scienfoological
Technology!
Note just HOW badly Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh needs to
terminate her pregnancy! Notice just how
MANY Scienfoology-Effigy-Babies she has, that are already-born, hungry mouths
to feed! All around her, you see these
effigy-babies; hungry mouths to be fed, “all the children at her feet”. Non-Scienfoology-aware, biased and prejudiced
ignoramuses might be tempted to call them “ceramic gee-gaws” or some such,
which is VERY hurtful to us True Believers.
Then, of course, there’s the matter of just WHO her unborn fetus
was! But I don’t much want to speculate
about that, or how it happened, sorry… I
can’t stand the guilt! It just MIGHT
have been fetal developmental damage caused by “lung flute addiction syndrome”,
see, and I am at least partly to be blamed for that!
Sad to say, I must confess, even I, the Founder of
Scienfoology, am weak in my faith! Yes,
it is true… I have committed the grave
Scienfoological “sin” if you will, of “HAM”…
Go see HAM at the root page, for details. But yes, in Scienfoology, it is “HAM” (sin),
to listen to one’s effigy or effigies!
“Effigies are to be seen, and not heard”, we say, as proper
practitioners. But I listened to Ann’s
silent please for an abortion… I just
HAD to have mercy on her! I destroyed
her effigy-fetus, yes, I did. But NO
details on this particular, precise process will be revealed, in adherence to
my vow that Scienfoology won’t get into this business! (See top of root page). I am truly sorry for this HAM that I have
engaged in, and I hope that all of you millions of Scienfoologists out there,
will forgive me, and do better in Your Faith, than I, your supposed “leader”,
have.
RITUAL USE OF THE SHAMING
WAND, ETC.
At least the GOOD News here is, this exercise has allowed
me to fine-tune the Scienfoological Rites, Rituals, and Liturgies to be used in
associated ceremonies! Go see root page,
bottom… AFTER the Scienfoological
patient (for the pregnancy termination) has been properly vetted (Ann Coulter
Rash Limbaugh here, in our case), and certified as NOT being an undercover
agent of Government Almighty, then the Rituals and Ceremonies should
commence. All Rituals and Ceremonies
should be video-recorded, to show, in posterity, that Government Almighty
regulations HAVE been properly followed, at least in spirit, if not in precise,
persnickety technical details… But,
recording your Sincere Ceremonies will SURLEY help your case, if it should ever
end up in court (especially in light of the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act”;
see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_Freedom_Restoration_Act
). It seems to me that religious
freedoms should NOT belong just to those who are “virtuous” by Rush Limbaugh,
they should ALSO belong to those that Rush calls “sluts”.
So here are some suggested Rituals and Liturgies (sorry,
some of it is a repeat from the main or root page, but, the longer your
ceremonies, the more “sincerely held” your beliefs are, in the Eyes of Government
Almighty, I bet):
(Prelude to Worship first, as Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh
shows up at the front door).
PATIENT: Hi, I’m Ann
Coulter Rash Limbaugh, and I’d like to have my pregnancy terminated. And oh by the way, I brought along my
Scienfoological effigy of myself, as you can see. And yes, the effigy is all properly prepared
with an effigy-fetus, in just the right spot.
STAFF: Oh, OK, wait,
let me turn on the web-cam here, and can you re-state this thing? Here, read this for posterity. There you go…
PATIENT: I, Ann
Coulter Rash Limbaugh, being of sound body and mind, do hereby declare
obedience and fealty to Government Almighty, and I do solemnly swear to
Government Almighty, which is my GAWD and my Savior, as a Devout and Sincere
Scienfoologist, that the following is true:
My sincerely held religious belief is that I should NOT be forced, in
order to get a medical procedure, to be raped by the Shaming Wand. Instead, it is my belief that Government
Almighty, in its respect for Religious Freedoms, and in its Mercies, for me, will
SURELY allow me to substitute, in my place, for ritual shaming, this here
effigy of me, and of my fetus.
STAFF: And have you
had a federal judge declare that your religious beliefs are “sincerely held”?
PATIENT: No, I have
not. Is this required by the U.S.
constitution? I have my constitutional
rights, you know.
STAFF: Yes,
sub-paragraph-23-B-square-root-of-negative-one says that your beliefs have to
be validated by Government Almighty, as being “sincerely held”.
PATIENT: Hey, wait,
square-root-of-negative-one is an imaginary number!
STAFF: Tell it to
the judge, see if he cares. See if Rush
Limbaugh cares.
PATIENT: I don’t
care if he cares, or not. I don’t care
if you care. But you should
care that if you don’t respect my religious freedom, then I will bring
a lawsuit against you, under the Religious Freedom Restoration Act!
STAFF: Oh, well, OK,
then, I guess we have no real choice.
We’ll support you in your needs for religious freedoms then.
Worship Session Proper; Proper Propitiation of GAWD,
Scienfoology-Style
CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:
Dearly Beloved, Brothers and Sisters in Scienfoology, let
the ceremony begin! Let us offer a Song
of Joyous Praise to Government Almighty!
ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff):
Government loves me, This I
know,
For the Government tells me
so,
Little ones to GAWD belong,
We are weak, but GAWD is
strong!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
My Nannies tell me so!
GAWD does love me, yes
indeed,
Keeps me safe, and gives me
feed,
Shelters me from bad drugs
and weed,
And gives me all that I
might need!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
My Nannies tell me so!
DEA, CIA, KGB,
Our protectors, they will
be,
FBI, TSA, and FDA,
With us, astride us, in
every way!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
My Nannies tell me so!
CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:
Thank you! Brothers
and Sisters, let us now bow our heads in prayer:
Dear Government Almighty, Who Dwells on High in SHAMM, The
Statist Heaven Above Mere Mortals, we do thank You and Praise You for Your
Wisdom and Power. We especially Praise
You for giving us the Sacred Religious Freedoms that we hold dear. Just as You, in Your Mercy, have given
Religious Freedoms to the Scientologists to use E-meters, and dis-regard court
orders, even, about the proper labeling of their “non-medical devices” known as
e-meters, so, too, do we have Faith in Your Mercy, in the True Faith and
Knowledge that You will not prosecute us for saving our Beloved
Sister, here, Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, from the personal bodily violations of
the mechanical, ultrasonic rape machine known as the ultrasonic shaming wand. THANK YOU, Dearly Beloved, and
Feared, Government Almighty! Thank
You! Thank You for allowing us to
sacrifice to You, instead, the Ritual Effigy of Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, for
public humiliation!
All Praise Government Almighty!
ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff): All Praise
Government Almighty!
CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS: Sister Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh, you may now
come forward. Place your effigy into the
shaming stockade (Sister Ann does so).
Congregation, you are now invited to come forward and Ritually Spit upon
the Sacred Effigy (Congregation does so).
CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS: According to the Mercies of Government
Almighty, I will now deploy the Holy Shaming Wand, on this Dearly Beloved
Effigy, of Sister Ann Coulter Rash Limbaugh.
I shall do so on the count of 3.
And the counting of the count of three shall be three, and not of four,
nor shall it be of five. And the
counting shall not be of two, unless it shall then proceed on, to three. And three shall be the counting of the three…
ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff): Get
ON with it!!!!
CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS: Oh, all right then! One-Two-Three, Listen to Me! By the Powers Invested and Mandated in and to
me, by Government Almighty, and in the Sight of the Mercies of Government
Almighty, I do now and hereby, Ritually Rape the Sacred Effigy of Sister Ann
Coulter Rash Limbaugh (Proceeds to deploy the Sacred Shaming Wand, which shall
not be described here, this being a family-oriented web site).
CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS: Nurse, you may now collect the Sacred
Sonogram, for Perpetual Storage, in the Name of the Mercies of Government
Almighty, Hallowed Be Those Who Dwell in SHAMM on High, in the Statists’s
Heaven Above Mere Mortals. Please
collect the sonogram now (Nurse steps forward to take digital photos of the
Effigy Fetus).
CLINIC STAFF LEADER / PRIEST / PRIESTESS:
Dearly Beloved, Brothers and Sisters in Scienfoology, let
us conclude the Sacred Ceremony!
ENTIRE CONGREGATION (Patient and staff):
Our GAWD, Who dwells
in SHAMM,
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy Taxes come in,
Thy Bennies go out,
All across the land,
Powered by Thy Wrath.
Give us more bread and
circuses,
More military
crusades,
And more stimulus funds.
Keep us safe from earpoppers
And lung flutes.
Lead us not into
Disobedience, but
shelter us through
Your Nannies. Forgive us
When we are
politically incorrect.
For Yours is the Power
and the Glory
of the Pyramind
Scheme, Forever and Ever,
Amen!
(End of suggested Liturgy & Rituals).
And now back to some more scandalling and raving about how
low my effigy has fallen! And just WHY I
have fallen into HAM, and gave her the effigy-based pregnancy termination that
she so silently yet desperately pleaded for!
She’s not been much of a good Mom to the kids she already has! First off, did you notice that among her
children at her feet, there is her favorite one, who is known as “Pig on the
Wing”? Here he is…
Yet despite the obvious cuteness and
cuddlesomeness of ALL of her children, especially including “Pig on the Wing”,
she instead dotes on, and elevates up into “Her Precious”, her spider’s web,
the one who is known as “Swig on the Wing”!
Here he is…
Then she also keep the company of
some shady, even vile, creatures, up there in her spider’s web… I wonder sometimes if maybe one of them
fathered her vile unborn fetus that I had to dispose of…
So as you can see, some of these
creatures are vile indeed! Others, I feel
sympathy for, it may be that they have become ensnared in her web of lies and
deceit, unjustly…
Now the spider himself, I feel
REALLY bad for, just LOOK at the expression on his face! “What in the name of GAWD have I gotten myself
into!?!?”, he seems to be saying!
Last but
not least, please note that she has insisted on wearing her vile, disgusting
“Legalize Freedom” T-shirt! What an
utterly Government-Almighty-disrespecting, even FASCIST, ideology! Maybe THAT is part of the origins of her
malformed offspring that had to be terminated!
BEWARE of such false ideologies!
-SQRLSY One
PS, for those who might care for a supposedly thoughtful
discussion of abortion, go see http://www.churchofsqrls.com/Abortions/
.
Back to root page at www.churchofSQRLS.com